I said so once to your father’s face, and he would not speak to me for half a year.
"Ours is a war for life itself, and should we fail the world dies with us."
Lannister Happy Endings: AU in which all Lannisters are getting along great. Saturdaynight is family night and they all drink expensive Dornish wine and play games. Of course everyone cheats. Tyrion is the only one who bothers to read the instructions. Cersei is suspicious everyone is plotting against her. Jaime had no idea what he’s doing and just trolls the entire game. Myrcella outsmarts Tywin and Tommen just falls asleep dreaming about kittens. AND THEY ALL LIVED HAPPILY EVER AFTER.
There are three kinds of absolute bullshit ASOIAF theories. When I say “bullshit”, I don’t just mean ~lol crack~ like “the merlings did it” or “Varys is secretly two childen standing on each other’s shoulders”, I mean stuff that is straight up wrong and total bullshit. And hey, just my luck, I’ve seen these three types in the tags lately.
1. Gross misinterpretation of prophecy. OK, you can say, “it’s prophecy, it could mean anything”. But sometimes the meaning of a prophecy is understood — for example, that in the House of the Undying, when Dany sees the vision of the beautiful woman being assaulted by four small rat-like men, it is understood that the woman represents Westeros and the men are the (then-living) four kings fighting over her. If you suggest that what it really means is that Meera Reed will be raped by the Children of the Forest, I’m going to think you are on the bad drugs.
2. Conspiracy to the point of insanity. Basically “all these disparate characters who we’ve never met are working together secretly to accomplish some bizarre task”, with no context or reasoning to support this. Of this type, some of the more bullshit ones I’ve seen include:
- That Howland Reed took over Arthur Dayne’s body through skinchanging and the Reed kids are actually Arthur Dayne’s genetic children;
- That Howland’s wife Jyana is actually Ashara Dayne and thus the Reed kids are really Ashara’s children;
- That Hodor is really Aegon Targaryen brain-damaged from having his head smashed but nevertheless spirited to safety by Ned Stark and Ashara Dayne (WHAT)
- That Septa Lemore is really the Mad Maid Malora Hightower (uh, sure that expains the pregnancy stretchmarks except NO); and that Haldon Halfmaester is really Humphrey Hightower (neat trick, considering Humphrey left Westeros about the same time Haldon returned there); and that Serra, Illyrio’s dead-several-years-ago-from-grey-plague wife, was really Lynesse Hightower Mormont (uhhhhhhhhhhhhh).
(For some reason, people love to use the Daynes in this kind of bullshit theory. The one I saw the other day obsessing over Hightowers is new to me though.)
3. Gross misinterpretation of the text. Taking the concept that ASOIAF’s POVs are so-called “unreliable narrators” to mean, “what this character witnessed happen didn’t happen at all in that way, it was like this”. (Which is ridiculous. For example, Harry Potter is an unreliable narrator but not at all in the same way that Fight Club’s Narrator is. I blame TV Tropes for the conflation of these ideas.) Example: Sansa misremembers being kissed the night of the Blackwater because… she was really raped! No, that is complete bullshit. If your theory is based on nothing a character witnessed or remembered being true, then any dialogue in that scene or any events in that scene can’t be true either. And if your theory is based on other characters’ speeches supporting this idea… then they should support it, shouldn’t they? Not be a complete contradiction. And yes, of course Margaery wanted moon tea because she knew Sansa needed it what the hell are you fucking on
Anyway. I like many ASOIAF theories. Some are really interesting and bring new layers to the text. Some, while probably unlikely (I include some of mine in that), are at least fully textually based and not just pulled from the air. And some are complete and total bullshit and prove people need to learn to read and also learn the difference between “analysis” and “making shit up”. Thank you.
This is a lil meta bout how Rhaenyra’s arc reminded me of Cersei.
Queen you shall be, until there comes one another, to cast you down and take all that you hold dear. we know that this is Cersei’s prophecy, but let’s look at Rhaenyra.
From a young age, she is promised to be Queen, she is the heir. Until there comes another (Alicent), although it is her son that she puts on the throne, that rings a bell, does it not ? Cersei is meant to see her power slip away from her, which is what happens to Rhaenyra.
When they are young, Princess Rhaenyra is “the realm’s delight”, Cersei is “the light of the West”, they are said to be beautiful and proud.
Actually, Rhaenyra’s wiki says she is “quick to anger and never forgets a slight” which is exactly what one of the most infamous quotes about Cersei says "She never forgets a slight, real or imagined". Rhaenyra is fierce as fuck and goes into a “black fury” when she learns the throne has been taken from her. (I know someone else who is “like wildfire” and therefore prone to that kind of rage..)
Rhaenyra does not hesitate one second going to war against her half brother and his mother, because they stole the power that belongs to her. The power that was supposed to pass to her from her father. I think it’s important to point out that his death precipitates the Dance of the Dragons and therefore her downfall. It is Joffrey’s death that starts that in Cersei, but Tywin’s as well.
Okay but, now, let’s have a break and imagine. Cersei reading about the Dances of the Dragons, she reads about a proud and beautiful Princess who grew up believing she would be Queen, and got her throne stolen — and who besides, went to war (with dragons !) to get it back. Cersei would have totally identified with her, and as a matter of fact, I’m sure she DID. We’ll get why later.
The moment Rhaenyra gets the throne stolen from her is also the moment she loses her first child, which brings me to my second point.. The children.
Rhaenyra loses several of her children — ultimately she will lose all. And everytime she grows more vengeful and destructive, but also more paranoiac. There comes the time when she gets the throne back.
Ultimately, her reign is short. She keeps cutting herself on the throne, and she is VERY paranoiac and cruel at this point, reigns with a LOT of deaths and gets HATED by the people (“King Maegor with teats”) when she used to be loved. While the people’s hate is mostly directed at Joffrey rather than at Cersei I still think it’s fair to parallel it a bit, and do I need to point out the paranoia ?
We’re getting to the storming of the Dragonpit which allows me to talk about Joffrey. No, not Joffrey Baratheon, mind you, but Rhaenyra’s third son Joffrey Velaryon, also nicknamed “Joff”. (notice how Cersei is the only one who use that nickname for Joffrey btw ?) When she gets the throne she only has him and Aegon still alive if I remember well, she is therefore very, very overprotective and afraid for him. Joffrey is twelve year old and has his own dragon. Several times, he asks to fight to help his mother, and everytime he stays besides her so he can protect her. He does hit me as very very close to his mother and protective of her.
When King’s Landing is completely sacked by its own people and they start going through the Dragonpit to kill the dragons (and they will ultimately succeed), Joffrey asks to go so he can save his. Rhaenyra refuses, but he ends up disobeying. In an impulsive act, he saddles his mother’s dragon and leaves, but the dragon not being used to another rider shakes him out ; the boy falls and ends up dying somewhere in Flea Bottom….
I know what you’re going to say, few similarities to the Joffrey Baratheon we know right ? Well, yes, but… Cersei identifying with Rhaenyra read about this Joff and projected her ideas of her future child in him. A brave, protective Joffrey —- strong, fierce, impulsive, which are things she saw in someone else : Jaime. I’m so convinced she named her Joff after this kid — besides, naming her kid after a Targaryen is another big “fuck you” to Robert.
Moving on from this ; Rhaenyra finds herself more and more alone, betrayed, and she has to leave the throne and ride for Dragonstone. It is said that she is like a ghost after losing her children and her dragon. She panics and gets really upset everytime her younger son Aegon is not with her, which reminds me of Cersei and Tommen — and the way she grows terrified of the Tyrells stealing him away from her. Those are just seeds of this but she might grow to be even more like Rhaenyra later.
If Cersei has to run from King’s Landing, which I think she might have to (didn’t GRRM say we’ll get to see Casterly Rock soon ?), I think we can look at Rhaenyra’s end to get some clues about Cersei’s.
And when your tears have drowned you, the valonqar shall wrap his hands about your pale white throat and choke the life from you.
Valonqar. Little brother. Rhaenyra clings to her child like to an anchor (“your tears have drowned you” ?)…
In Dragonstone, her half brother Aegon is waiting for her. Half brother,but also younger brother. He kills her ; well, he gets his golden dragon Sunfyre to kill her.
Now, I do not actually think Cersei’s death will happen exactly like that (different circumstances..) BUT wow. Cersei’s prophecy really DOES fit both women, okay, probably not the part about bastards, but the Queen part (loosely) and the valonqar part !
So, let’s try to sum it up for the end of this post. We have two women, who were both “delights” as girls, but who were also fierce and angry, “never forgetting a slight”. Queens who had or will have their throne stolen. Both Queens losing their children and growing more and more cruel and paranoiac from it, this precipitating their downfalls — and their death at the hand of their valonqar.
And we have Cersei probably reading about Rhaenyra, and obviously identifying with her, especially with her prophecy in mind — and naming her first son after Rhaenyra’s child.
Pretty interesting, is it not ?